“dig or force a passage underground or through something.”
When I started blogging about 4 years ago, I did it out of survival. I never expected anyone to actually read my words. Then, I would randomly run into someone that I hadn’t seen in awhile and they would ask about it or mention that they love reading it. I’m still blown away by this. When I started writing, I did it because I literally didn’t know what else to do with the feelings I was dealing with through my cancer diagnosis. I start so many projects and these projects sometimes fall short of my own high expectations… and that’s okay. I’ve switched directions more times than I can count. Each time I start something new, things start off strong and then slowly taper off. It’s not because I am actually a failure… It’s because I get into my own head and start doubting myself. I’m my biggest critic and that will never change… and that’s okay too. This time is different for some reason though. So far, writing has been one of the most fulfilling things that I have pursued and for some reason I didn’t expect that. I never considered myself a “writer”. I didn’t start out doing it for anyone else but myself, but then people started to really encourage me and started letting me know that my writing has meant something to them in their life and it has given me more confidence and more of a purpose. I want to feel fulfilled on a personal level, but I also want to help other people. It doesn’t really matter if it’s 5 people or 5,000 people. As long as I follow my heart, then everything will eventually work out. If I can help even one person that isn’t myself though, then it’s worth it. It has served its purpose.
I’m venturing out into the writing world more and more these days and I’m finding new opportunities. They’re exciting and scary, but I’m pursuing it anyway because if I don’t go after it, I’ll never know the potential that these opportunities might carry and I’ll always wonder “what if”. I want to keep finding new ways to grow as a writer. I plan to eventually write a book. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do, but it’s terrifying. I don’t know when that will happen or how to really even get started, but I’m going to do it. It’s in my heart. It’s something that needs to happen. The same goes for public speaking. I love to talk, but talking in front of groups of people is terrifying too. I want to expand my site to be more than just a blog, and I’ve started that process, but there is always room to grow. I want this site and the ideas I have for it to reach their fullest potential. I like and am terrified of challenging myself though. I like tapping into new parts of myself. I like to find new ways to channel my creativity. I don’t know if anything I’ve ever pursued has made a difference in anyone’s life except my own. I’ve embraced my journey though. I’ve even learned to embrace my struggles. I don’t think that everything I’ve been through in the past 4 years has been in vain. If nothing else, I pray that if someone reads my words that they realize that they aren’t alone. Struggling sucks. We all have things in our lives that are challenging, that are painful and that teach us something (sometimes the hard way). It isn’t always fun. It’s how we choose to dust ourselves off and find something positive in all of it that IS the fun part though.
If you’ve got something that is fulfilling and you feel like it gives you purpose or serves a positive purpose in the world, keep at it. You are capable of making a difference in the lives of others. There is always light at the end of any scary, dark tunnel. We have to just keep figuring out how to get to the light and share the light with others. It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it!
Lastly, if you’ve ever liked anything that I’ve ever shared, please let me know. Knowing that what I’ve shared has helped someone is the way you help me keep an eye on MY light at the end of some of my own dark tunnels. Thank you for helping me find my light! If you find the light at the end of your own tunnel, jump on to that train and enjoy the ride because a new adventure is coming and it could be amazing!