Fears

What if the cancer returns?

What if the cancer spreads?

What if I can’t have children?

What if my husband gets tired of me and dealing with all of this?

What if this 2nd surgery doesn’t work?

These are the immediate fears that come to mind when I start worrying about my prognosis with thyroid cancer, especially since I just went through a 2nd surgery to remove more nodules about 2 1/2 weeks ago. For the past year, I thought I was handling my diagnosis pretty well overall… and for as much of a worrier as I tend to be, I definitely am… but something has been weighing on me and I didn’t even realize it until this weekend.

Side note: I decided to go to a National Women’s Survivors Convention in Nashville this weekend. I decided to invite a very dear friend of mine that I had been talking to online for about 7 months that has been dealing with her own medical issues because we hadn’t actually met in person yet since she lives in Tampa. I felt like she could get something out of the weekend as well, even though she doesn’t directly deal with having cancer… Plus, I thought it would be a perfect excuse to meet and really develop our friendship. She was just as excited about the idea as I was. We had a great time together, and just as we both hoped, our friendship definitely grew stronger this weekend.

Anway, I really enjoyed the convention and I gained a lot of information, was inspired by a lot of things said & the many beautiful people there, but one session really stuck out to me. It was about the fear of recurrence. The woman who ran that session had us all write down our fears on a piece of paper and had us trade papers with someone around us, but we weren’t allowed to open the papers. I suddenly got a lump in my throat and I just lost it. The FEAR came over me & I realized that in my journey, I haven’t shared with more than a couple of very close people what my true fears in all of this have been and still are… I’m praying that as part of my own personal healing process that I can release them from my mind. I pray that someone reads this and gains SOMETHING from this.

We ALL have fears. Whether it’s your health, our finances, our success, whether we’re good enough for others or WHATEVER your over individual fears might be. We are ALLOWED to have fear in life. We NEED to release them & we are ALLOWED to share them with others, especially if that’s what we need to do to move forward and deal with them.

So there you go, Universe. I have put my fears out into the world and I will try to release them. I hope that others can do the same. Some messages, no matter how personal are MEANT TO BE shared with the world.