Curveballs

I’m going to preface this entire entry by saying that I have NO idea if this one will benefit anyone other than myself, but I like to document times like this because it helps me keep perspective and look back on times and be grateful for positive things that have happened since. I like to write in a way that others can relate, but sometimes I just need to vent too. Just know that if you’re trying to deal with your own curveballs, you’ll get there. Sometimes progress is just slow and that’s okay!

After having a few of my own emotional meltdowns over the last couple of weeks, I knew I needed to make positive changes in my life. My house was a wreck, which was the outward result of what I have been feeling on the inside since my grandfather started getting progressively worse before he passed. I wasn’t eating right, exercising or enjoying life at all…

It suddenly all clicked when I realized last week that my life had been hit with a bunch of curveballs and I didn’t know how to handle them all. Since basically March, my life has completely lacked any real structure and it was really hurting my morale and motivation. It started with construction at our house that lasted the entire month. With 3 dogs (and one of them being a puppy, it’s a pain…) but we managed.

Then, things started getting harder…

(4/5)-2 friends passed away on the same day. We cancelled a trip the night before we were supposed to leave.
(4/10)-Husband sliced his hand on a vase and went to the ER
(4/12)-Husband had surgery to repair hand (still currently going through PT several times a week… he also had 6 weeks with a splint on after surgery (and he’s a wheelchair user) and has a 2nd surgery and more PT coming up still).

Things finally calmed down a bit after this, but during this time, my grandfather started to get progressively worse health-wise during this time… We started mentally and emotionally preparing potentially for his final days. I basically dropped everything else in life to just be in the moment and deal with this situation emotionally. I was trying to figure out HOW you even prepare for something like that… The answer is that there isn’t one way to deal with it… you just deal with it in the way that feels right to you. Period.

(6/13)-My grandfather passed
(6/14)-his visitation
(6/15)-his funeral
(6/16)-My husband gets into a car accident that totaled his car.
We dealt with insurance. Thankfully (and most importantly), he wasn’t hurt. Things started to get calm again, but we’ve had to share a car during this time… until today, when he can finally get the new hand controls put on the new car and drive it home. Since we’re both in wheelchairs, we have to have this done before we can get the new car home.
(6/19)-Had a check-up appointment with my thyroid doctor since I’ve had thyroid cancer. These appointments are always a bit scary and stressful.
(6/23-6/28)-One of my dogs started getting sick and not eating. Took him to the emergency vet on the 26th & they kept him until 6/28. We were pretty sure he wasn’t going to make it. Thankfully he did. If you know me, you know that my husband and my dogs are my life… so you can probably imagine how hard and stressful the situation was.

(6/28)-A couple of thousand dollars later and we finally got to take our dog home, but MY doctor called and my thyroid levels aren’t great right now. My doctor made a medication change that I hope will help my levels get better again.

I have faith that things will get better, but I’m still in the process of figuring out how to get back on track and back into the swing of things. I think the fact that I couldn’t “fake it” until I made it is what bothers me the most. I usually can get through it by talking to a few close friends about whatever “it” is at the time and then I reflect on whatever advice that they give me and then I am able to put my remaining energy into SOMETHING positive to get me through whatever hard times I’m facing. The problem was that I had NO energy physically or emotionally to even try to take on anything else because I felt like I kept getting hit with one thing after another (plus my thyroid meds weren’t right, so I’m sure that has been a factor too). I feel like I’ve let people down because of being somewhat checked out of everything else emotionally, but I know that if I can’t take care of myself then I can’t take care of anyone else, so I’ve just been trying to get myself taken care of and back on track.

Last night was the first time I really felt like life was getting back to normal. All of the fur babies are home. We had friends over for a movie night last night. The house is FINALLY clean again… and I was even able to catch up on some e-mails and started scheduling music-related meetings again. I’m trying my best to get back on track. I have a feeling it’s going to take a bit to get back to “normal”, but I think this weekend was a sign that I’m slowly going to get there. I’m so grateful that I have had the amazing friends in my life that have checked on me and offered encouragement during the last couple of weeks in particular.

As a side note, I advertised on my favorite author/blogger’s site (Jenny Lawson – http://thebloggess.com/) so that’s pretty cool. It’s the first time I’ve really gotten to see my blog listed on another site. You should check her out too. She’s awesome!

As I’m finishing this up, I’m listening to music and High Valley‘s “You’ll Find Your Way” just came on. Awesome song! There’s a few lines that say: “Down those highways paved with doubt and darkness
Follow with all your heart and don’t lose faith. You’ll find your way.”

How appropriate… and very meant to be! You’re welcome for this free promotion, fellas!